This week’s TKV Podcast EP 19, excerpt:
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I felt like I was obligated to have children, that I owed it to everyone, including Elon Musk, to procreate, that I was somehow less of a woman and deserving of implicit devaluation if I decided to remain childless. The instinct to assent to my role as child-bearer remained as powerful as it did every single time I’d look into my grandmother’s eyes, see the disappointment–even the incredulity–painting itself across her face, when I couldn’t give to her the one thing she wanted from me more than anything in the world.
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I wish there was a concise, logical, coherent answer to why I presently do not have children. But, I won’t manufacture one merely to provide a satisfying conclusion to this particular story. The facts remain that emotionally and practically, I waited until I thought it was safe to have children, but, by that time, biologically, I’d waited too long; that I continue to harbor regret over some of the earlier decisions in my life; that this regret threatens to spill over into self-pity and loathing when I let my guard down; that part of me wants children, still, and leaves the door open for adoption, fostering, or even an IVF cycle or three with those precious eggs; that another part of me is relieved I don’t have children, that I can travel as frequently as my job requires, pour all my resources into reaching into millions of hearts a day, save enough of myself to remind as many people as will listen that a person’s choice to procreate can be a profoundly complicated one and an unreliable metric of worth.
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Spotify: https://spoti.fi/3eAIXo6

Apple: https://apple.co/3DlhNvT

Google: https://bit.ly/3RGuDcu
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Recipe for this velvety, delicious pomodoro by @ericjoonho.